PORCELAIN DOLL

To my porcelain doll
My fragile little girl
Your body shivered
Your mouth, it whimpered
And you gave out a heart-breaking cry
When you came into this world
When you were lifted out
It’s like you were asking us why.
Why did we have to lift you up?
Why did we have to take you out?
Of the womb, you’d made your home
I kissed your forehead
And talked to you
Mam gently rubbed your cheek
We tried to console you
As you seemed a little weak
With your spindly legs
And quivering lips
Your narrow, pleading eyes
Eyes that seem to beg
Us not to disturb you
And let you lie in peace

Eventually you find rest
On your mother’s chest
Skin to skin
Little ears to beating heart
Soothes you into a
Wonderfully deep sleep

We’ll hold you tight
We’ll wrap you up
But not so tight
In case you might break
For you feel so light
Like a little baby bird”

FREEZE TIME

Wish that I could’ve frozen time

Halted it completely in its tracks

Made it that the bells wouldn’t chime

That you wouldn’t fade to black

Wish I could’ve wrapped you

And your fragile little frame,

Stooped in humble service

Like a perpetual prayer,

up in cotton wool

In bubble wrap

In my arms

Breathe fresh life

Into your lungs

But cancer had set its trap

Aggressively it had struck

And your body slowly wasted away

To mere skin & bone

As if you were made to atone

For some ancient sin

You’d buried deep within

A thought I scarce can entertain

For it would stain

Your memory

Your legacy

You were too pure

Too gentle

For this earth

Hope you find the peace

You’re looking for

To make your sacrifices

Worth.

 

Wish that I could freeze time

Halt it completely in its tracks

Get a marker & draw a line,

Across which you cannot pass

For fear that you might get older

Grow up too soon

Lose your childlike innocence

For you’re too young to shoulder

Such burdens.

If that makes any sense.

Put together your very own

Wardrobe to Narnia

Where you’ll never grow old

Or succumb to disease

Where you’ll never be told

What to do

Or have to appease

You’ll sit on the throne

Guided by the great lion

And rule your kingdom

With kindness and compassion

Love and wisdom

Strength & dignity

For the whole of your life

 

 

 

 

 

 

WALKING A TIGHTROPE

 

The baby they yearned for

That new life for which they hoped

The expectation, the promise

Fragile; silent & cautious

For fear they won’t cope

With yet more disappointment

Heartbreak & despair

Another dream hanging by a rope

Fate’s random gallows

Executioner’s fickle whim

It doesn’t seem fair

Deciding our fate

Leaving us to grope

About in the darkness

Walking a tightrope

Of faded longing

Teetering

Struggling to balance

Our barely contained grief

And tears. Absolute loss.

With our desire for contentment

For Motherhood.

The longing to be a father

Heightened by the loss of his own.

But we put on a brave face

Smile through the strain

For our family’s sake

We walk through the rain

We pick each other up

Dust off the shame

Our mutual love

Sustaining us

Steadying us

Through the pain

Bringing us closer,

Strengthening our bond.

We’ll always have each other

We’ll always walk

This tightrope of life

Together.